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I am Free

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Pat O'Connor

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March 17, 2005

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I was born with lymphedema. Slowly over the years, I have watched helplessly as my body swells more and more, destroying so much of my abilities of doing

"things." Then came the cancers, the depletion of an already tattered immune system.... the slow ebbing of a life.

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I know what it is to hurt so bad...your body screams to die just for relief. I have felt that despair that says, "if only I could go to sleep and not wake up."

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I have wrestled with the anger that comes and cries out "if only this stuff would do its job quickly...instead of slowly stealing away my life."

You struggle with the shadows of the night...the quiet tears that stain your cheek.

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I know the shame of being made fun of....laughed at....rejected because my legs were so "wierd." The heart break of being called a freak. The feeling of hopelessness and isolation.

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Some would say I am prison bound...locked away in a body that is overwhelmed by pain, disfigurment, continually eaten up by non-stopable infections...sorrow and frustrations face my every day.

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But, I am free.

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I am free to embrace the dawn...to bask in the warmth of the morning sun.

I am free to wander through the stars at night...to behold the glory of my God and worship His goodness.

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I am free to be intoxicated by the aroma of a rose...glistening with the dew. To rejoice in all the glory of a wonderous creation.

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I am free to create beauty, whether through the pen, a camera...a brush...to create beauty in a world where so many create ugliness.

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I am free to laugh and to bring laughter into anothers sorrowful life.

I am free to go beyond my own pain...to bring comfort to another...to bring healing to an aching heart.

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I am free to go beyond my selfishness...to choose a life of selfless giving to others.

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I am free to reach out and touch the heart of another...to bring comfort and hope.

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I am free to wipe away the tears of another hurting spirit...to lift them up...to help heal their broken heart.

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I am free to journey within...to face my fears...to overcome them with victory in my spirit...instead of living in fear and doubt.

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I am free to allow bitterness....to be turned into a sweet nectar.

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I am free...to be me. Free to say "I don't want to be anyone else, but me"

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I am free to look into the mirror and respect the person I see, to like my values... to know who I am deep inside.

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I am free...in so many many ways...seemingly to many to list. But...perhaps most important.......

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I am free to choose who I am and how I live.

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I am free to choose life...instead of allowing myself to be destroyed by the shadows of despair or even death.

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I am free to love...to dream...to forgive...to choose kindess and gentleness.

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I am free...